19 January 2010

I find it really hard to put my feelings in words.

These few days have been nothing but horrible. Everyone looked so upset, so devastated. Some lost their friends, some lost their family.

Some (like me) just felt very sad about the whole tragedy even though they barely knew those people, heartbroken when they saw their friends who lost THEIR loved ones crying, helpless because there was nothing they could do.

The atmosphere in school was very gloomy. People were walking around with red-rimmed eyes all puffy from too many tears. Some could barely smile anymore, some you could tell had cried all night long at home. It was heart-wrenching to watch.

I know it's a very grievous, unfortunate thing that so many great guys were taken away from us all in just one day, one short morning.

It's only normal to feel sad, and sorry, for those guys' family and friends.

Still, I hope everyone would be able to get over it soon. We should appreciate, treasure, cherish what's left of our short lives. Enjoy your life, and spend more time with your loved ones.

Life is so unpredictable, everything so unexpected. You'd never know when your time is up, and when you'd be on the last journey of your life, the journey to a better place, the journey to heaven (or hell, damn it).

What I'm trying to say is, we should try our best to smile again, to be happy, and to make those around us happy too. I know this disaster is not something that can be wiped off one's memory in just a few short days. But it just won't do to keep dwelling on the past, to be unhappy for the rest of your life, right?

You might say it's easy for me, because I don't know those guys. It's true, I don't know them. I still find it a terrible loss, an unfair thing. It's all very sad.

You might find yourself thinking about this tragedy occasionally. You might find yourself wanting to cry, and weep over the loss of your loved ones. Even after months, years. A scar, carved deep in your heart.

If it was me (choi), I would have wanted my friends and family to not be too upset over my death, and try to live as happily as possible. That's what I would have wanted. I GUESS.

Okay, whatever it is I'm trying to say, I don't really know. Maybe you get what I'm saying, maybe you don't. I can barely register the words I just typed, I can hardly figure out what I'm saying myself.

I really, sincerely hope everyone will be okay in a few weeks. Like I said, it is a heart-wrenching thing to watch, seeing your friends all miserable and sad. It makes you very sad too, and makes you want to hug them tightly and cry.

My mind's sort of blank right now. I don't feel like rereading everything I typed up there, so if I said anything wrong or offensive, I'm sorry.

I'm going off to one of the guys' wake later. Neighbour. Father's friend's son. Sister's friend's brother. SIGH. I might have seen him before, I can't be sure, from a distance, but I suppose I never deemed him important enough to try to remember his face. I'm a bitch. Arrgh.

Anyway. I went to Jason's funeral, just now, around noon. It was a very very very horrid first experience. I really don't want to lose anyone close to me. I'm very scared.

Many of his friends and family were there, he must have been a truly awesome person, with lots of friends, excellent grades, active in the school activities ... Sigh. Why are all the baddies in this world still alive? Bloody unfair.

Rest in peace, Jason, Zi Jun, Brendon, Yi Zhang, and Yong Xiang. :(

Crystal, you are being really strong, really brave. I admire you a lot for this.

As Teacher Toh Annie would say : "Life goes on. It's just a matter of time."

I hope I could see you smile, genuinely, soon. *hugs*