♥ Saturday, January 30, 2010 ♥
This Is PATHETIC x100
30 January 2010
(My blog is becoming deadly boring, damn. I also hate my blog like this, but guess this is the only thing I can post, for now. I'll try to dig up some photos!)
WHO exactly was the one who started all this? Not me.
WHO exactly was the one who kept running away and didn't give people a chance to say hi? Not me.
Yet in the end who was always the one, me or you, that started some lame conversation? ME. Be it about your hair or something else.
Why in the world would you think she's better than you in every way?
I love all my friends, just in different ways. I deem you more of the grown-up kind, a person I can go out shopping with, share books, songs and stuff with, let you come to my house at the crack of dawn, something I rarely let people do.
I don't get why you just jumped to the conclusion that she is better. You two are equally important in my heart, just in different ways. She's someone I can be crazy with, play with. You are someone I can share things with.
(I am a naturally CRAZY person. You should know this. I like being crazy, I like to fool around. Hardly something I'd do with ... say, my sister. Figure it out yourself.)
I seldom take photos with my brothers and sisters, and NEVER with my parents, and it doesn't mean that they all are not important to me.
I don't say hello to many of my friends, yet it doesn't mean I don't like them.
I'm sorry, you're jumping to all the wrong conclusions.
You, in a state like that, HOW was I supposed to go talk to you? HOW?! Think about it. When you see me in a dull/miserable/furious mood, would you talk to me?
And I DID notice you during the farewell. I just didn't ask you anything. Why? Because (I am truly sorry to say this) you are often like that. Before the farewell, on the orientation day. I don't know why, maybe you saw something you dislike, and became all down. What could I do? Also DISS that something with you?
You might not believe it, but I WANTED to talk to you (and I TOLD a lot of people so). About many things. But you kept running away, and I thought it would be stupid to call after you. What if I called you and you only looked at me with that moody expression and gave some half-hearted, lame replies? I don't want that.
You know how I feel now? PATHETIC. Pathetic that we have to TALK this way and not in real life.
You think I'm butting my head in on purpose? Initially I was just the person in between, a person who was trying to make peace between you. I was so dumb. Yeah, maybe I should have just ignored everything.
You have no idea how much I want things to go back to the way they were.
I don't understand. I'm just a FRIEND, and I don't get your need to be at the top of my list. Like I said. You all have the same "status" in my list. And mind you, it will change.
Fine. If I offended you, hurt you in any way which I am not aware of, then SORRY. I didn't - still don't - know what I was supposed to have done.
And I have said it before. Please, don't deny that you were the one who started this. But I hope you'll be the one who ENDS this, be the one who MENDS this. (I'm a future poet, remember? =.=)
You can't bloody well ask me to always be so tolerant. Sorry, I'm not born like that. I TOLERATED your balloon-bursting and water-splashing many times. How many times do I have to tell you, I DO NOT LIKE IT?
Example. You hate someone and I force you to sit and talk with the person for the whole day. Would YOU like it?
If I tell you to stop, then STOP. I know it's fun, and I enjoy it sometimes. But not too much, okay? Don't go overboard.
I know you'd read this. And I hope the next time we would be speaking in person, not on BLOGS. You can say whatever you want to say TO MY FACE. I'm leaving it to you.
And yes, I'm going to ask you to practise again. I didn't choose her because she is my friend. I choose her because she's GOOD. Harsh, I know, but it's true. And I have told you ten thousand (or more) times, you could be good, you are just too hard on yourself. YOU ARE NOT THE WORST, all right? I don't know why you keep thinking that you are.
And just so you know, all the DECISIONS weren't all MY decisions. Arrgh. You might say I'm defending myself.
You're right, I don't understand you. And I don't think I want to understand the you NOW. I want to know the previous you. Not the current you. Sorry if it hurts.
And I'm saying this now. Sorry, to all those people who were dragged into this thing. Sorry, if I said anything offensive above or in my previous posts.
I don't know why I'm doing all the apologising. But WHATEVER (I hate this word).
And whoever are having friendship issues now (=.=), I guess the best thing to do is to stay out of it. Wait until the storm passes. If it doesn't pass, then ... die lor.
Oh. And hey, please DO NOT HATE SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE OF ME. I'm the one you're supposed to hate, not that someone else.
You either hate her purely because of me, or because there are things about her that you detest. If it's the latter, then DO NOT PUT ALL THE BLAME ON ME. If it's the first, then HATE ME, not her.
(Even though I GUESS it's not possible)
Guilt. Any idea how I'm feeling? The person who CAUSED all this. What the fuck. This is madness. And no, I'm not supposed to be feeling guilty. Because I (again, same case) didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, try to tell me what. I didn't do those THINGS on purpose. You just don't like it, and you started hating.
Fine, I'm not gonna see it from my perspective. Like you asked me to do. There could be more (there probably are) to this than meets the eye.
But nobody knows what.
And I totally forgot to say. I'm not not talking to you because of her, because I love her, because I support her, or anything of the sort. I'm not talking to you because of you.
(My blog is becoming deadly boring, damn. I also hate my blog like this, but guess this is the only thing I can post, for now. I'll try to dig up some photos!)
WHO exactly was the one who started all this? Not me.
WHO exactly was the one who kept running away and didn't give people a chance to say hi? Not me.
Yet in the end who was always the one, me or you, that started some lame conversation? ME. Be it about your hair or something else.
Why in the world would you think she's better than you in every way?
I love all my friends, just in different ways. I deem you more of the grown-up kind, a person I can go out shopping with, share books, songs and stuff with, let you come to my house at the crack of dawn, something I rarely let people do.
I don't get why you just jumped to the conclusion that she is better. You two are equally important in my heart, just in different ways. She's someone I can be crazy with, play with. You are someone I can share things with.
(I am a naturally CRAZY person. You should know this. I like being crazy, I like to fool around. Hardly something I'd do with ... say, my sister. Figure it out yourself.)
I seldom take photos with my brothers and sisters, and NEVER with my parents, and it doesn't mean that they all are not important to me.
I don't say hello to many of my friends, yet it doesn't mean I don't like them.
I'm sorry, you're jumping to all the wrong conclusions.
You, in a state like that, HOW was I supposed to go talk to you? HOW?! Think about it. When you see me in a dull/miserable/furious mood, would you talk to me?
And I DID notice you during the farewell. I just didn't ask you anything. Why? Because (I am truly sorry to say this) you are often like that. Before the farewell, on the orientation day. I don't know why, maybe you saw something you dislike, and became all down. What could I do? Also DISS that something with you?
You might not believe it, but I WANTED to talk to you (and I TOLD a lot of people so). About many things. But you kept running away, and I thought it would be stupid to call after you. What if I called you and you only looked at me with that moody expression and gave some half-hearted, lame replies? I don't want that.
You know how I feel now? PATHETIC. Pathetic that we have to TALK this way and not in real life.
You think I'm butting my head in on purpose? Initially I was just the person in between, a person who was trying to make peace between you. I was so dumb. Yeah, maybe I should have just ignored everything.
You have no idea how much I want things to go back to the way they were.
I don't understand. I'm just a FRIEND, and I don't get your need to be at the top of my list. Like I said. You all have the same "status" in my list. And mind you, it will change.
Fine. If I offended you, hurt you in any way which I am not aware of, then SORRY. I didn't - still don't - know what I was supposed to have done.
And I have said it before. Please, don't deny that you were the one who started this. But I hope you'll be the one who ENDS this, be the one who MENDS this. (I'm a future poet, remember? =.=)
You can't bloody well ask me to always be so tolerant. Sorry, I'm not born like that. I TOLERATED your balloon-bursting and water-splashing many times. How many times do I have to tell you, I DO NOT LIKE IT?
Example. You hate someone and I force you to sit and talk with the person for the whole day. Would YOU like it?
If I tell you to stop, then STOP. I know it's fun, and I enjoy it sometimes. But not too much, okay? Don't go overboard.
I know you'd read this. And I hope the next time we would be speaking in person, not on BLOGS. You can say whatever you want to say TO MY FACE. I'm leaving it to you.
And yes, I'm going to ask you to practise again. I didn't choose her because she is my friend. I choose her because she's GOOD. Harsh, I know, but it's true. And I have told you ten thousand (or more) times, you could be good, you are just too hard on yourself. YOU ARE NOT THE WORST, all right? I don't know why you keep thinking that you are.
And just so you know, all the DECISIONS weren't all MY decisions. Arrgh. You might say I'm defending myself.
You're right, I don't understand you. And I don't think I want to understand the you NOW. I want to know the previous you. Not the current you. Sorry if it hurts.
And I'm saying this now. Sorry, to all those people who were dragged into this thing. Sorry, if I said anything offensive above or in my previous posts.
I don't know why I'm doing all the apologising. But WHATEVER (I hate this word).
And whoever are having friendship issues now (=.=), I guess the best thing to do is to stay out of it. Wait until the storm passes. If it doesn't pass, then ... die lor.
Oh. And hey, please DO NOT HATE SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE OF ME. I'm the one you're supposed to hate, not that someone else.
You either hate her purely because of me, or because there are things about her that you detest. If it's the latter, then DO NOT PUT ALL THE BLAME ON ME. If it's the first, then HATE ME, not her.
(Even though I GUESS it's not possible)
Guilt. Any idea how I'm feeling? The person who CAUSED all this. What the fuck. This is madness. And no, I'm not supposed to be feeling guilty. Because I (again, same case) didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, try to tell me what. I didn't do those THINGS on purpose. You just don't like it, and you started hating.
Fine, I'm not gonna see it from my perspective. Like you asked me to do. There could be more (there probably are) to this than meets the eye.
But nobody knows what.
And I totally forgot to say. I'm not not talking to you because of her, because I love her, because I support her, or anything of the sort. I'm not talking to you because of you.
♥ craving chocolate kisses ..
10:47 AM
10:47 AM
♥ Tuesday, January 26, 2010 ♥
The Battlefield
26 January 2010
I still don't get it.
Why are you always so ready to think the worst of her?
It's in humans' nature to FORGET. Everyone might forget things occasionally. Your mom, your dad. Yourself. So why are you bashing her like that? Right. Maybe you are impatient, like me! But. It's nothing a short apology couldn't fix.
Or maybe she didn't forget. Just a simple question then. Would you be willing to ... hmm, interact with a person who you know hates you? No. Of course not.
OR she could be being plain bitchy (highly doubtful about this). Not unlike you eh.
Whatever it was, there was no need for such awful sarcasm. Gosh. Do you even know how childish you sound? I'm sorry, I'm not doing this on purpose, I'm merely stating the truth. Again.
So what if she decides to do something? A something you don't plan on doing, doesn't mean that the other people can't do it. We all are striving hard for it. Why don't hate on us as well?
So what if she's on friendly terms with those people? They could be just friends, you know. And what do you expect, that she would just shoot from one place to another the next year? You KNOW it won't change anymore. Many of us are close to those people too. Why aren't you hating on us?
That's what I'm trying to say. You are determined to hate her, even though the things she did - does - isn't that different from all of us.
You could be friends with all of them, with all of us. But you chose not to be. You chose to hate. I don't understand it, but it was your choice. What to do?
And I still tried. Because I don't want to hate on my friends, or to lose any of them.
I'm sure you have a conscience, deep down inside. What you did on that particular day at that particular place, was obviously WRONG. So why are you so angry about it? Accept your mistakes, and at least try to change. It's not so hard, is it?
I honestly thought you have learned your lesson. But you haven't.
Still, I'm hoping that you will, soon. Things can't go on the way they are, everyone is taking sides, and it can't be helped. YOU are the one forcing us to take sides, even though we don't want to.
I'm sorry again, because if I had to choose, I'd side with the person who isn't in the wrong. I don't side with the person I'm friends with, not in a case where I'm friends with both persons.
And I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this way.
You might say it's hard for you.
But who actually realises how hard it is for us - the people who have to watch all this happen - too? Especially the FRIENDS. You might feel happy with all the (what you thought were) smart retorts and comments you posted. Are you really feeling that happy? You should be feeling sad.
Sad that all this happened, and how it destroyed what could have turned out to be a beautiful friendship.
MAYBE. From my point of view. If it was me, I would be feeling sad.
Sigh. I can't fathom the way your mind works, and I'm not going to try.
I'll just sit down somewhere, out of the boundaries of the battlefield, and await the end of the war, await your return, await peace, await the time when you would realise your errors and be friends again.
In my dreams.
Not so soon, I don't think. LOL. I won't delete this post. NO NEED to copy anything! :)
Yes, I KNOW that I'm throwing myself head first into the battle, without any armours, practically screaming for Death to take me away.
Sorry, but I really can't stand watching all this ... injustice, this naivety. Eeeeeep.
I still don't get it.
Why are you always so ready to think the worst of her?
It's in humans' nature to FORGET. Everyone might forget things occasionally. Your mom, your dad. Yourself. So why are you bashing her like that? Right. Maybe you are impatient, like me! But. It's nothing a short apology couldn't fix.
Or maybe she didn't forget. Just a simple question then. Would you be willing to ... hmm, interact with a person who you know hates you? No. Of course not.
OR she could be being plain bitchy (highly doubtful about this). Not unlike you eh.
Whatever it was, there was no need for such awful sarcasm. Gosh. Do you even know how childish you sound? I'm sorry, I'm not doing this on purpose, I'm merely stating the truth. Again.
So what if she decides to do something? A something you don't plan on doing, doesn't mean that the other people can't do it. We all are striving hard for it. Why don't hate on us as well?
So what if she's on friendly terms with those people? They could be just friends, you know. And what do you expect, that she would just shoot from one place to another the next year? You KNOW it won't change anymore. Many of us are close to those people too. Why aren't you hating on us?
That's what I'm trying to say. You are determined to hate her, even though the things she did - does - isn't that different from all of us.
You could be friends with all of them, with all of us. But you chose not to be. You chose to hate. I don't understand it, but it was your choice. What to do?
And I still tried. Because I don't want to hate on my friends, or to lose any of them.
I'm sure you have a conscience, deep down inside. What you did on that particular day at that particular place, was obviously WRONG. So why are you so angry about it? Accept your mistakes, and at least try to change. It's not so hard, is it?
I honestly thought you have learned your lesson. But you haven't.
Still, I'm hoping that you will, soon. Things can't go on the way they are, everyone is taking sides, and it can't be helped. YOU are the one forcing us to take sides, even though we don't want to.
I'm sorry again, because if I had to choose, I'd side with the person who isn't in the wrong. I don't side with the person I'm friends with, not in a case where I'm friends with both persons.
And I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this way.
You might say it's hard for you.
But who actually realises how hard it is for us - the people who have to watch all this happen - too? Especially the FRIENDS. You might feel happy with all the (what you thought were) smart retorts and comments you posted. Are you really feeling that happy? You should be feeling sad.
Sad that all this happened, and how it destroyed what could have turned out to be a beautiful friendship.
MAYBE. From my point of view. If it was me, I would be feeling sad.
Sigh. I can't fathom the way your mind works, and I'm not going to try.
I'll just sit down somewhere, out of the boundaries of the battlefield, and await the end of the war, await your return, await peace, await the time when you would realise your errors and be friends again.
In my dreams.
Not so soon, I don't think. LOL. I won't delete this post. NO NEED to copy anything! :)
Yes, I KNOW that I'm throwing myself head first into the battle, without any armours, practically screaming for Death to take me away.
Sorry, but I really can't stand watching all this ... injustice, this naivety. Eeeeeep.
♥ craving chocolate kisses ..
4:41 PM
4:41 PM
♥ Sunday, January 24, 2010 ♥
Avatar ♥
24 January 2010
I watched Avatar again with Jun Fang and Jit Nee yesterday.
It made me want to cry, because I found that Earth kind of sucked. Wouldn't it be awesome if Pandora actually exists? I wouldn't even mind that there's practically nothing (for people like me) to do over there.
No need to worry about the temptation to buy new clothes, because the Na'vi people don't wear clothes. Not really.
No need to worry about being broke, because money doesn't exist in Pandora.
No need to worry about getting fat, because there are no such things as chocolate or cheese in Pandora. And there are no cars or anything, so I'd have to walk and run around, which burns calories. And all the Na'vi people are naturally skinny anyway. Haha.
THE (IMAGINARY, NON-EXISTENT *wails*) PLACE IS SO FREAKING PRETTY!
Neytiri (Zoe Saldana) is also really really gorgeous. Damn. Despite the blue skin, half-nakedness, weird nose, and all. And Jake Sully (Sam Worthington)(Marcus from Terminator Salvation, right?) is cute. :D
Ikran! LOL.
I WANT TO LIVE IN THEIR WORLD. How awesome, how convenient, with the USB Port (like Jit Nee said) thingies! Chelsea also said she wanted to live in their world. WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO?!? Arrgh. ARRRGH.
They said a person actually commited suicide after watching the movie, because he/she also thought that Earth sucked. I'm not sure about it, though. Anyway, if I kill myself, I doubt I would find myself in a place like Pandora. Maybe some reddish, flaming, hell-like place. So, no point. HAHA.
Oh, I love the soundtrack! Score! Song! Whatever you call it! Kind of ... epic and ... magical? and I think it suits the ethereal scenes really well. I remember this scene most vividly : Neytiri and her pretty neck drinking water from the purple flower/leaf, with Jake watching her intently.
Aww. I loved it when they look at each other. HAHAHA. Like got electricity liddat. LOL. I think it's me. Siao liao.
Okay, I'm making myself feel weird all over again. I wouldn't mind watching the movie again for 28 times, as long as someone else pays for the tickets! :D
Gotta go to bed. Oh, and I LOST my name tag at Gurney. I think. Or on the way back from Gurney. Something. Fuck, I'm such a careless person.
No name tags or stupid, small, easy-to-lose things in Pandora. Dammit dammit dammit dammit.
I watched Avatar again with Jun Fang and Jit Nee yesterday.
It made me want to cry, because I found that Earth kind of sucked. Wouldn't it be awesome if Pandora actually exists? I wouldn't even mind that there's practically nothing (for people like me) to do over there.
No need to worry about the temptation to buy new clothes, because the Na'vi people don't wear clothes. Not really.
No need to worry about being broke, because money doesn't exist in Pandora.
No need to worry about getting fat, because there are no such things as chocolate or cheese in Pandora. And there are no cars or anything, so I'd have to walk and run around, which burns calories. And all the Na'vi people are naturally skinny anyway. Haha.
THE (IMAGINARY, NON-EXISTENT *wails*) PLACE IS SO FREAKING PRETTY!
Neytiri (Zoe Saldana) is also really really gorgeous. Damn. Despite the blue skin, half-nakedness, weird nose, and all. And Jake Sully (Sam Worthington)(Marcus from Terminator Salvation, right?) is cute. :D
Ikran! LOL.
I WANT TO LIVE IN THEIR WORLD. How awesome, how convenient, with the USB Port (like Jit Nee said) thingies! Chelsea also said she wanted to live in their world. WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO?!? Arrgh. ARRRGH.
They said a person actually commited suicide after watching the movie, because he/she also thought that Earth sucked. I'm not sure about it, though. Anyway, if I kill myself, I doubt I would find myself in a place like Pandora. Maybe some reddish, flaming, hell-like place. So, no point. HAHA.
Oh, I love the soundtrack! Score! Song! Whatever you call it! Kind of ... epic and ... magical? and I think it suits the ethereal scenes really well. I remember this scene most vividly : Neytiri and her pretty neck drinking water from the purple flower/leaf, with Jake watching her intently.
Aww. I loved it when they look at each other. HAHAHA. Like got electricity liddat. LOL. I think it's me. Siao liao.
Okay, I'm making myself feel weird all over again. I wouldn't mind watching the movie again for 28 times, as long as someone else pays for the tickets! :D
Gotta go to bed. Oh, and I LOST my name tag at Gurney. I think. Or on the way back from Gurney. Something. Fuck, I'm such a careless person.
No name tags or stupid, small, easy-to-lose things in Pandora. Dammit dammit dammit dammit.
I want to hold your hand. :(
♥ craving chocolate kisses ..
11:29 PM
11:29 PM
♥ Friday, January 22, 2010 ♥
The Irony
22 January 2010
You probably already know that I hate everything (ALMOST everything) to do with Chinese, be it the actual language, songs, movies, subtitles, or .... Except CO. Haha. I know it's weird.
And what's ironic?
I.
I, who hate Chinese calligraphy THE ABSOLUTE MOST-EST, have signed up for the Chinese calligraphy competition held at school tomorrow. Me. Moi. HAHAHAHA.
Okay, I didn't exactly sign myself up, my friends wrote my name down for me. And since we could gain marks (yeah, marks again, all that's important in a Malaysian student's life, I guess), and could skip one class or two, if we write slowly that is, well, why not?
LOL. I thought it'd be a laugh. :P
Although I have no idea what it would be like. Would it be like the examinations? Eeek. Are we even allowed to talk? If we are, then great. If no, well. I don't know.
I don't think I can stand it. A room, with the foul stench of the murky ink, the brushes that I have felt tempted to break into half for God knows how many times, the papers I long to shred into pieces whenever writing Chinese calligraphy ....
Torture.
BUT you know what? They told me that the time of the competition has been changed. To when exactly, nobody knows. Someone said that it is at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. What the fook. School would bloody well have ended by that time. Meaning : no classes to skip, no decent lunch to eat, no good bed to go home early to. AND stuck with writing horrible Chinese calligraphy. Damn.
I don't know why I'm so worried about my marks, actually. I'm not an AJK or anything, so no marks there, which is not a lot, I don't think. Then, the competitions. Unfortunately if we do join the CO competition at the end of the year, I'll have graduated already, so. No marks.
But really, why the HELL are marks so important anyway? Arggh. If it is not for my future, I don't think I'd have given a damn. Of the course. I guess everyone feels the same. Sigh.
Anyway. Many performances (and a competition WITH MARKS) to come! Happy.
Well. Wish me luck for tomorrow. HAHAHAHA. Hilarious. I SUCK at writing (Chinese) calligraphy. Hope the teachers won't laugh at me. xD
I love the what Gothic, Itallic, whatever-you-call-it calligraphy though! Fun to write, and immensely satisfying when you see the end result. So classy. Niceeeeee.
Hmm. What to say. School tomorrow. ON A SATURDAY. What the fuck. No CO. More homework. Less time to do MORE homework. Less time to rest. I'm very very tired. Third week of school only. No idea what it would be like when the projects, assignments and stuff starts coming up. Siggh.
Have a freaking CHINESE essay to write. Kill me. Bang!
I miss CO so, so much. No (real) practice until February. DAMN. How can I not be ... uh, racist, sometimes? Puff.
You probably already know that I hate everything (ALMOST everything) to do with Chinese, be it the actual language, songs, movies, subtitles, or .... Except CO. Haha. I know it's weird.
And what's ironic?
I.
I, who hate Chinese calligraphy THE ABSOLUTE MOST-EST, have signed up for the Chinese calligraphy competition held at school tomorrow. Me. Moi. HAHAHAHA.
Okay, I didn't exactly sign myself up, my friends wrote my name down for me. And since we could gain marks (yeah, marks again, all that's important in a Malaysian student's life, I guess), and could skip one class or two, if we write slowly that is, well, why not?
LOL. I thought it'd be a laugh. :P
Although I have no idea what it would be like. Would it be like the examinations? Eeek. Are we even allowed to talk? If we are, then great. If no, well. I don't know.
I don't think I can stand it. A room, with the foul stench of the murky ink, the brushes that I have felt tempted to break into half for God knows how many times, the papers I long to shred into pieces whenever writing Chinese calligraphy ....
Torture.
BUT you know what? They told me that the time of the competition has been changed. To when exactly, nobody knows. Someone said that it is at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. What the fook. School would bloody well have ended by that time. Meaning : no classes to skip, no decent lunch to eat, no good bed to go home early to. AND stuck with writing horrible Chinese calligraphy. Damn.
I don't know why I'm so worried about my marks, actually. I'm not an AJK or anything, so no marks there, which is not a lot, I don't think. Then, the competitions. Unfortunately if we do join the CO competition at the end of the year, I'll have graduated already, so. No marks.
But really, why the HELL are marks so important anyway? Arggh. If it is not for my future, I don't think I'd have given a damn. Of the course. I guess everyone feels the same. Sigh.
Anyway. Many performances (and a competition WITH MARKS) to come! Happy.
Well. Wish me luck for tomorrow. HAHAHAHA. Hilarious. I SUCK at writing (Chinese) calligraphy. Hope the teachers won't laugh at me. xD
I love the what Gothic, Itallic, whatever-you-call-it calligraphy though! Fun to write, and immensely satisfying when you see the end result. So classy. Niceeeeee.
Hmm. What to say. School tomorrow. ON A SATURDAY. What the fuck. No CO. More homework. Less time to do MORE homework. Less time to rest. I'm very very tired. Third week of school only. No idea what it would be like when the projects, assignments and stuff starts coming up. Siggh.
Have a freaking CHINESE essay to write. Kill me. Bang!
I miss CO so, so much. No (real) practice until February. DAMN. How can I not be ... uh, racist, sometimes? Puff.
♥ craving chocolate kisses ..
11:47 PM
11:47 PM
♥ Tuesday, January 19, 2010 ♥
The Last Journey
19 January 2010
I find it really hard to put my feelings in words.
These few days have been nothing but horrible. Everyone looked so upset, so devastated. Some lost their friends, some lost their family.
Some (like me) just felt very sad about the whole tragedy even though they barely knew those people, heartbroken when they saw their friends who lost THEIR loved ones crying, helpless because there was nothing they could do.
The atmosphere in school was very gloomy. People were walking around with red-rimmed eyes all puffy from too many tears. Some could barely smile anymore, some you could tell had cried all night long at home. It was heart-wrenching to watch.
I know it's a very grievous, unfortunate thing that so many great guys were taken away from us all in just one day, one short morning.
It's only normal to feel sad, and sorry, for those guys' family and friends.
Still, I hope everyone would be able to get over it soon. We should appreciate, treasure, cherish what's left of our short lives. Enjoy your life, and spend more time with your loved ones.
Life is so unpredictable, everything so unexpected. You'd never know when your time is up, and when you'd be on the last journey of your life, the journey to a better place, the journey to heaven (or hell, damn it).
What I'm trying to say is, we should try our best to smile again, to be happy, and to make those around us happy too. I know this disaster is not something that can be wiped off one's memory in just a few short days. But it just won't do to keep dwelling on the past, to be unhappy for the rest of your life, right?
You might say it's easy for me, because I don't know those guys. It's true, I don't know them. I still find it a terrible loss, an unfair thing. It's all very sad.
You might find yourself thinking about this tragedy occasionally. You might find yourself wanting to cry, and weep over the loss of your loved ones. Even after months, years. A scar, carved deep in your heart.
If it was me (choi), I would have wanted my friends and family to not be too upset over my death, and try to live as happily as possible. That's what I would have wanted. I GUESS.
Okay, whatever it is I'm trying to say, I don't really know. Maybe you get what I'm saying, maybe you don't. I can barely register the words I just typed, I can hardly figure out what I'm saying myself.
I really, sincerely hope everyone will be okay in a few weeks. Like I said, it is a heart-wrenching thing to watch, seeing your friends all miserable and sad. It makes you very sad too, and makes you want to hug them tightly and cry.
My mind's sort of blank right now. I don't feel like rereading everything I typed up there, so if I said anything wrong or offensive, I'm sorry.
I'm going off to one of the guys' wake later. Neighbour. Father's friend's son. Sister's friend's brother. SIGH. I might have seen him before, I can't be sure, from a distance, but I suppose I never deemed him important enough to try to remember his face. I'm a bitch. Arrgh.
Anyway. I went to Jason's funeral, just now, around noon. It was a very very very horrid first experience. I really don't want to lose anyone close to me. I'm very scared.
Many of his friends and family were there, he must have been a truly awesome person, with lots of friends, excellent grades, active in the school activities ... Sigh. Why are all the baddies in this world still alive? Bloody unfair.
Rest in peace, Jason, Zi Jun, Brendon, Yi Zhang, and Yong Xiang. :(
Crystal, you are being really strong, really brave. I admire you a lot for this.
As Teacher Toh Annie would say : "Life goes on. It's just a matter of time."
I hope I could see you smile, genuinely, soon. *hugs*
I find it really hard to put my feelings in words.
These few days have been nothing but horrible. Everyone looked so upset, so devastated. Some lost their friends, some lost their family.
Some (like me) just felt very sad about the whole tragedy even though they barely knew those people, heartbroken when they saw their friends who lost THEIR loved ones crying, helpless because there was nothing they could do.
The atmosphere in school was very gloomy. People were walking around with red-rimmed eyes all puffy from too many tears. Some could barely smile anymore, some you could tell had cried all night long at home. It was heart-wrenching to watch.
I know it's a very grievous, unfortunate thing that so many great guys were taken away from us all in just one day, one short morning.
It's only normal to feel sad, and sorry, for those guys' family and friends.
Still, I hope everyone would be able to get over it soon. We should appreciate, treasure, cherish what's left of our short lives. Enjoy your life, and spend more time with your loved ones.
Life is so unpredictable, everything so unexpected. You'd never know when your time is up, and when you'd be on the last journey of your life, the journey to a better place, the journey to heaven (or hell, damn it).
What I'm trying to say is, we should try our best to smile again, to be happy, and to make those around us happy too. I know this disaster is not something that can be wiped off one's memory in just a few short days. But it just won't do to keep dwelling on the past, to be unhappy for the rest of your life, right?
You might say it's easy for me, because I don't know those guys. It's true, I don't know them. I still find it a terrible loss, an unfair thing. It's all very sad.
You might find yourself thinking about this tragedy occasionally. You might find yourself wanting to cry, and weep over the loss of your loved ones. Even after months, years. A scar, carved deep in your heart.
If it was me (choi), I would have wanted my friends and family to not be too upset over my death, and try to live as happily as possible. That's what I would have wanted. I GUESS.
Okay, whatever it is I'm trying to say, I don't really know. Maybe you get what I'm saying, maybe you don't. I can barely register the words I just typed, I can hardly figure out what I'm saying myself.
I really, sincerely hope everyone will be okay in a few weeks. Like I said, it is a heart-wrenching thing to watch, seeing your friends all miserable and sad. It makes you very sad too, and makes you want to hug them tightly and cry.
My mind's sort of blank right now. I don't feel like rereading everything I typed up there, so if I said anything wrong or offensive, I'm sorry.
I'm going off to one of the guys' wake later. Neighbour. Father's friend's son. Sister's friend's brother. SIGH. I might have seen him before, I can't be sure, from a distance, but I suppose I never deemed him important enough to try to remember his face. I'm a bitch. Arrgh.
Anyway. I went to Jason's funeral, just now, around noon. It was a very very very horrid first experience. I really don't want to lose anyone close to me. I'm very scared.
Many of his friends and family were there, he must have been a truly awesome person, with lots of friends, excellent grades, active in the school activities ... Sigh. Why are all the baddies in this world still alive? Bloody unfair.
Rest in peace, Jason, Zi Jun, Brendon, Yi Zhang, and Yong Xiang. :(
Crystal, you are being really strong, really brave. I admire you a lot for this.
As Teacher Toh Annie would say : "Life goes on. It's just a matter of time."
I hope I could see you smile, genuinely, soon. *hugs*
♥ craving chocolate kisses ..
8:26 PM
8:26 PM
♥ Sunday, January 17, 2010 ♥
Keep Holding On
17 January 2010
You're not alone, together we stand,
We'll be by your side,
You know we'll take your hand.
Keep holding on,
Cause we know you'll make it through.
Just stay strong,
And you know we're here for you.
*****************
I have been logging in and out of Blogger. I wanted to post many things, but I kept changing my mind again and again.
We should treasure our friends and family more. You never know what could happen to them. One moment they're here, next to you. The other moment, they're gone. :(
Stop all the hating. We're dead lucky to be alive, why waste your precious life hating on things and other people?
Anyway. I want to let you all know :
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
Whoever you are, one of my friends, my family (pretty unlikely) or just a random reader.
I'm scared of losing you all. Life is unpredictable. See how some people's lives are snatched away, just like that? It's so unfair.
I feel very dumb. Here I am, (sort of) having and witnessing an issue concerning friendship, and outside in the real world, people are dying, people are losing their loved ones.
Arrgh.
*prays*
You're not alone, together we stand,
We'll be by your side,
You know we'll take your hand.
Keep holding on,
Cause we know you'll make it through.
Just stay strong,
And you know we're here for you.
*****************
I have been logging in and out of Blogger. I wanted to post many things, but I kept changing my mind again and again.
We should treasure our friends and family more. You never know what could happen to them. One moment they're here, next to you. The other moment, they're gone. :(
Stop all the hating. We're dead lucky to be alive, why waste your precious life hating on things and other people?
Anyway. I want to let you all know :
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
Whoever you are, one of my friends, my family (pretty unlikely) or just a random reader.
I'm scared of losing you all. Life is unpredictable. See how some people's lives are snatched away, just like that? It's so unfair.
I feel very dumb. Here I am, (sort of) having and witnessing an issue concerning friendship, and outside in the real world, people are dying, people are losing their loved ones.
Arrgh.
*prays*
♥ craving chocolate kisses ..
10:31 PM
10:31 PM
OMFG
17 January 2010
Crystal. CRYSTAL.
I'm so sorry. Be strong, be tough. T_____T
Why is God so unfair?!?! Why do lives have to be taken away like this? It's so bloody heartbreaking. I hope Crystal will be okay. It must be so, so hard for her. SO FREAKING UNFAIR LAH @#R% U+Y@UII$!I$UYHJ
How could this happen??! I don't know how to describe it. Please, let the others be okay. MY sister's friend's brother. Pray.
R.I.P, Jason, even though I don't really know you except that you were Crystal's boyfriend.
I can't say anything without sounding dumb and like a know-it-all, but ... At a loss for words. LIFE IS HARSH. Please, pray that the other people are fine. T.T
Crystal. Again, be strong, girl. :( :( :(
*** We'll be here for you always, HEARTS! T.T
**** This is the first time I have seen the name of a person that I have actually seen in reality on the news. The feeling is ... awful. Hits me hard. I have been so, so lucky. SIGH.
Crystal. CRYSTAL.
I'm so sorry. Be strong, be tough. T_____T
Why is God so unfair?!?! Why do lives have to be taken away like this? It's so bloody heartbreaking. I hope Crystal will be okay. It must be so, so hard for her. SO FREAKING UNFAIR LAH @#R% U+Y@UII$!I$UYHJ
How could this happen??! I don't know how to describe it. Please, let the others be okay. MY sister's friend's brother. Pray.
R.I.P, Jason, even though I don't really know you except that you were Crystal's boyfriend.
I can't say anything without sounding dumb and like a know-it-all, but ... At a loss for words. LIFE IS HARSH. Please, pray that the other people are fine. T.T
Crystal. Again, be strong, girl. :( :( :(
*** We'll be here for you always, HEARTS! T.T
**** This is the first time I have seen the name of a person that I have actually seen in reality on the news. The feeling is ... awful. Hits me hard. I have been so, so lucky. SIGH.
♥ craving chocolate kisses ..
3:23 PM
3:23 PM
♥ Saturday, January 16, 2010 ♥
Hypocritical
16 January 2010
Boring Post. SKIP! Haha. Promise I'll update (about nice stuff) soon! Ahem.
Maybe she has finally realised that it doesn't make much of a difference!
I was patient the first time (for this year). But my patience also has its limits.
You of all people should understand. You also lost your patience when you saw certain THINGS.
People who know me should know that I'm a very short-tempered person, extremely impatient and is often rude to many people. So. Consider yourself lucky that I actually CARED and bore with it, and kept my mouth zipped tight shut the first time.
The second time (for this year, this WEEK, actually), no. I won't, I CAN'T tolerate it. If I did something wrong, fine. You can do whatever you want, say whatever you want. I DO have a guilty conscience, you know. Problem is, I didn't do anything wrong. Not in the logical sense. And THAT, is why I don't understand WHY I want to apologise.
Maybe I was a tad rude. Fine, understatement. What you did. I just saw RED. I couldn't stand it. So I said a whole lot of things which were quite hurtful, I think, but sad to say, were harsh, blatant truths. Every single word. But still, that doesn't mean I have the right to say all those mean things.
Okay, actually I don't know what I'm saying. I bloody well have the RIGHT to say what I want. I just don't think what I said was necessary. Why cause so much problems in the world when I could be happy, why cause misery in other people's lives? No point.
I know I'm a hypocrite. I had the nerve to tell people to think before they speak, but I didn't really. The only thing now is I don't know if she overheard. But still, it was the truth. Someone's gotta tell her eventually, and better sooner than later right, before things got worse. Yeah, excuses, but that's what I think. *rolls eyes*
I don't want whatever is happening right now to happen all over again. I want to be happy, to make people happy if I can (although how do I make some certain people happy, I do not know), to be with my friends, and cherish every moment I have with them.
If you're reading this, which I'm sure you probably won't, maybe someone might pass on the message, then SORRY if what I said made you upset. If you were not upset because you overheard what I said, but because of what I DID instead, then forget I said anything. No apologies. Chim eh. Haha.
I won't apologise for what I did and who I chose to do it with. You're pissed about it? Then it's your problem. Wanna make yourself unhappy? It's your problem. Don't wanna be friends? It's your problem. I don't think anyone could say I didn't TRY.
I really don't think it was my fault things turned out to be like this. You were the one who started all this, eh? Things would be just the way they were if you didn't say anything or get upset about every single tiny detail which you SHOULDN'T be getting upset over. You can't control everyone, who they like, who they hate, who they want to be friends with.
We could still be friends you know, but whatever relationship we might have in the future, it's up to you. If you continue acting like this, then ... *shrugs*
I have learned many lessons. I'm going to ignore everything if possible. Stick with my close friends. Keep myself busy. Things will be okay. :)
Boring Post. SKIP! Haha. Promise I'll update (about nice stuff) soon! Ahem.
Maybe she has finally realised that it doesn't make much of a difference!
I was patient the first time (for this year). But my patience also has its limits.
You of all people should understand. You also lost your patience when you saw certain THINGS.
People who know me should know that I'm a very short-tempered person, extremely impatient and is often rude to many people. So. Consider yourself lucky that I actually CARED and bore with it, and kept my mouth zipped tight shut the first time.
The second time (for this year, this WEEK, actually), no. I won't, I CAN'T tolerate it. If I did something wrong, fine. You can do whatever you want, say whatever you want. I DO have a guilty conscience, you know. Problem is, I didn't do anything wrong. Not in the logical sense. And THAT, is why I don't understand WHY I want to apologise.
Maybe I was a tad rude. Fine, understatement. What you did. I just saw RED. I couldn't stand it. So I said a whole lot of things which were quite hurtful, I think, but sad to say, were harsh, blatant truths. Every single word. But still, that doesn't mean I have the right to say all those mean things.
Okay, actually I don't know what I'm saying. I bloody well have the RIGHT to say what I want. I just don't think what I said was necessary. Why cause so much problems in the world when I could be happy, why cause misery in other people's lives? No point.
I know I'm a hypocrite. I had the nerve to tell people to think before they speak, but I didn't really. The only thing now is I don't know if she overheard. But still, it was the truth. Someone's gotta tell her eventually, and better sooner than later right, before things got worse. Yeah, excuses, but that's what I think. *rolls eyes*
I don't want whatever is happening right now to happen all over again. I want to be happy, to make people happy if I can (although how do I make some certain people happy, I do not know), to be with my friends, and cherish every moment I have with them.
If you're reading this, which I'm sure you probably won't, maybe someone might pass on the message, then SORRY if what I said made you upset. If you were not upset because you overheard what I said, but because of what I DID instead, then forget I said anything. No apologies. Chim eh. Haha.
I won't apologise for what I did and who I chose to do it with. You're pissed about it? Then it's your problem. Wanna make yourself unhappy? It's your problem. Don't wanna be friends? It's your problem. I don't think anyone could say I didn't TRY.
I really don't think it was my fault things turned out to be like this. You were the one who started all this, eh? Things would be just the way they were if you didn't say anything or get upset about every single tiny detail which you SHOULDN'T be getting upset over. You can't control everyone, who they like, who they hate, who they want to be friends with.
We could still be friends you know, but whatever relationship we might have in the future, it's up to you. If you continue acting like this, then ... *shrugs*
I have learned many lessons. I'm going to ignore everything if possible. Stick with my close friends. Keep myself busy. Things will be okay. :)
♥ craving chocolate kisses ..
7:31 PM
7:31 PM
♥ Thursday, January 14, 2010 ♥
Photos! :)
14 January 2010
Scroll, scroll!
God, I'm updating my blog so frequently. Boring stuff, but better than nothing. Pfft.
I'm so freaking SICK of you, you know that?
I could, I could stoop down to as low a level as you, and say EVERYTHING. But I wouldn't.
I could live in my own world and be happy. But I chose not to, because I can't stand seeing all the mess everyone's in right now. I guess the plan backfired on me.
You were not just rude to her, you were rude to me AS WELL. The things you said and did. If you have a brain then please do think of what you want to say before you let the words slip out of your mouth. Same for your actions. Think about other people's feelings. You are not the only person with a heart and emotions in this universe. The world doesn't revolve around YOU.
I'm starting to regret everything. But how was I to know this would happen?
Anyway. I'm gonna stop all the mourning. It's not worth it.
Here are the photos I promised to upload! I have finally (it's a lie) finished doing my homework! Yes!
Neh. A bunch of swoon-inducing photos of food and beverages, to make you fat. Yeah, it makes complete sense to me. Really.
Cakes from Secret Recipe, the others are from Winter Warmers.
Drooling much? :)
(I look dumb here)
(I look dumb here too!)
Ee Leng & I, before one of our shopping sprees! Okay, I should say her. HER shopping spree. Tsk tsk. Don't spend too much money you know! :P
And I'm sorry you have to see our faces so many times. HAHA. But I guess it doesn't matter, because we're young and beautiful. AHERM. *splutters*
These photos were taken on a particularly long and exhausting day. Went to CO in the morning, watched Avatar (HEARTS!) in the afternoon, went to a Symphony Orchestra concert at night.
Almost fell asleep, and was kind of bored and extremely irritated, thanks to the long-winded conductor.
It's a pity that all the photos I took that day were horrible, because I was too weary. Eyebags, droopy eyelids, greasy, messy hair, oily face, ETC ETC ETC. Uggh, eeew.
Photos taken on Christmas Eve. We HEART Celine!
Err, as in the long-haired person in turquoise. Not the designer brand. Haha. Not funny.
Ee Leng's very cute shirt that her friend drew for her. So meaningful! If you are my friend and you're reading this, then you know what to get me for my birthday!
Ignore my bra strap and a bit of my bra showing, AND my deformed boobs. That's Ee Leng's pretty Forever 21 dress! :)
Yes, you saw it right : SCORPIONS.
Only three people dared to eat the scorpions, and they're all guys. Hahaha. Typical.
And why the hell would people eat scorpions when there are perfectly delicious and normal things in the world like chocolates, cheese, strawberries and mushrooms? Weird.
Okay, I'm off to bed now. HOW ANNOYING. God. Please.
Goodnight! XOXO.
Have a great Friday!
Scroll, scroll!
God, I'm updating my blog so frequently. Boring stuff, but better than nothing. Pfft.
I'm so freaking SICK of you, you know that?
I could, I could stoop down to as low a level as you, and say EVERYTHING. But I wouldn't.
I could live in my own world and be happy. But I chose not to, because I can't stand seeing all the mess everyone's in right now. I guess the plan backfired on me.
You were not just rude to her, you were rude to me AS WELL. The things you said and did. If you have a brain then please do think of what you want to say before you let the words slip out of your mouth. Same for your actions. Think about other people's feelings. You are not the only person with a heart and emotions in this universe. The world doesn't revolve around YOU.
I'm starting to regret everything. But how was I to know this would happen?
Anyway. I'm gonna stop all the mourning. It's not worth it.
Here are the photos I promised to upload! I have finally (it's a lie) finished doing my homework! Yes!
Neh. A bunch of swoon-inducing photos of food and beverages, to make you fat. Yeah, it makes complete sense to me. Really.
Cakes from Secret Recipe, the others are from Winter Warmers.
Drooling much? :)
(I look dumb here)
(I look dumb here too!)
Ee Leng & I, before one of our shopping sprees! Okay, I should say her. HER shopping spree. Tsk tsk. Don't spend too much money you know! :P
And I'm sorry you have to see our faces so many times. HAHA. But I guess it doesn't matter, because we're young and beautiful. AHERM. *splutters*
These photos were taken on a particularly long and exhausting day. Went to CO in the morning, watched Avatar (HEARTS!) in the afternoon, went to a Symphony Orchestra concert at night.
Almost fell asleep, and was kind of bored and extremely irritated, thanks to the long-winded conductor.
It's a pity that all the photos I took that day were horrible, because I was too weary. Eyebags, droopy eyelids, greasy, messy hair, oily face, ETC ETC ETC. Uggh, eeew.
Photos taken on Christmas Eve. We HEART Celine!
Err, as in the long-haired person in turquoise. Not the designer brand. Haha. Not funny.
Ee Leng's very cute shirt that her friend drew for her. So meaningful! If you are my friend and you're reading this, then you know what to get me for my birthday!
Ignore my bra strap and a bit of my bra showing, AND my deformed boobs. That's Ee Leng's pretty Forever 21 dress! :)
Yes, you saw it right : SCORPIONS.
Only three people dared to eat the scorpions, and they're all guys. Hahaha. Typical.
And why the hell would people eat scorpions when there are perfectly delicious and normal things in the world like chocolates, cheese, strawberries and mushrooms? Weird.
Okay, I'm off to bed now. HOW ANNOYING. God. Please.
Goodnight! XOXO.
Have a great Friday!
♥ craving chocolate kisses ..
9:38 PM
9:38 PM
♥ Wednesday, January 13, 2010 ♥
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU X100
13 January 2010
Maybe I should have SPECIALLY REQUESTED you to read my blog.
Hey, maybe you did see the post! I FUCKING HOPE YOU DID. Hate me then, see if I give a fucking rat's arse. I certainly don't need people like you in my life.
I don't know how to put this in words. ARRGH I want to scream and strangle you sometimes, you know that? DON'T PULL ME UNDER THE WATER ALL RIGHT?!? What have I done?!?! Is this how you would treat a FRIEND? What is a fucking FRIEND to you?! A person to hate on, to release your anger on when you're pissed?
I need to hit something. I need to talk to somebody. If only it's not this late and if only silly Rumi is replying me on MSN. WTF.
Yeah, and you know what? You can keep on WONDERING why. *middle finger*
Maybe I should have SPECIALLY REQUESTED you to read my blog.
Hey, maybe you did see the post! I FUCKING HOPE YOU DID. Hate me then, see if I give a fucking rat's arse. I certainly don't need people like you in my life.
I don't know how to put this in words. ARRGH I want to scream and strangle you sometimes, you know that? DON'T PULL ME UNDER THE WATER ALL RIGHT?!? What have I done?!?! Is this how you would treat a FRIEND? What is a fucking FRIEND to you?! A person to hate on, to release your anger on when you're pissed?
I need to hit something. I need to talk to somebody. If only it's not this late and if only silly Rumi is replying me on MSN. WTF.
Yeah, and you know what? You can keep on WONDERING why. *middle finger*
♥ craving chocolate kisses ..
10:47 PM
10:47 PM
♥ Monday, January 11, 2010 ♥
Chinese ROCKS :)
11 January 2010
I hate Chinese. FUCK Chinese homework. But my sister is going to help me write my dumb Chinese calligraphy. Sometimes she's just plain awesome. HAHA. And it's lucky she likes Chinese. Phew. Can we be anymore different?
I still don't get it. What's the point in writing Chinese calligraphy? Apparently it's relaxing. Argh. The words smelly AND dirty don't go together with the word relax, I think. *scoffs*
Have a lot of Chinese papers to complete. 实词，虚词, etc, whatever the fuck are those?!? Is it of any use to us in the future or blah? No right?
Like we're gonna point at some random word in the newspaper and say : "Oh, you know, that word's a 副词!!"
I also have a Chinese reading comprehension to do. Damn.
AND I have Malay literature homework. Okay. It's sort of irrelevant. But.
Why are the English teachers always the nicest and most ... liberal - as my current English teacher would put it - and never gives us too much homework, and doesn't even care if you don't do their homework (not very true, but at least they don't give you shit, at least not my English teacher last year), when I actually ENJOY doing English homework (except sometimes, essays)?
And I have to get mountains of homework for the subjects I dislike the most. Unfair or what! Chinese. Malay. Add Math. Crazy lah.
And now, I'm ... procrastinating! As usual! I have convinced myself that I would still be able to finish all my homework tonight, even if I only start on them after dinner. Haha.
DAMN. Every time I think about Chinese, I want to .... arrgh. I don't know. It's a strange thing that I'm in CO, when I hate Chinese so much. Eeeee. I'll never get good results for Chinese! My vocabulary for the subject is, haha, like a three-year-old's, worse than a primary school student! No, I'm not kidding. Wanna read my essay? HAHA. You'll laugh. Honestly. :D
Fine, I won't deny that I'm actually the slightest bit worried. Chinese really isn't that important lah right. RIGHT.
You just have to get excellent results for BM, right, to ensure that your future won't crumble down like a wall or whatever? You just have to get good results for BM to be able to continue your studies (for certain fields), right?
Eeeee. Screw Chinese. As long as my current teacher don't nag me about my lousy Chinese (like SOME teachers did in the past years), then I'm fine.
Heh. I don't know how many times I have talked about this. Always the same. Paiseh!
I hate Chinese. FUCK Chinese homework. But my sister is going to help me write my dumb Chinese calligraphy. Sometimes she's just plain awesome. HAHA. And it's lucky she likes Chinese. Phew. Can we be anymore different?
I still don't get it. What's the point in writing Chinese calligraphy? Apparently it's relaxing. Argh. The words smelly AND dirty don't go together with the word relax, I think. *scoffs*
Have a lot of Chinese papers to complete. 实词，虚词, etc, whatever the fuck are those?!? Is it of any use to us in the future or blah? No right?
Like we're gonna point at some random word in the newspaper and say : "Oh, you know, that word's a 副词!!"
I also have a Chinese reading comprehension to do. Damn.
AND I have Malay literature homework. Okay. It's sort of irrelevant. But.
Why are the English teachers always the nicest and most ... liberal - as my current English teacher would put it - and never gives us too much homework, and doesn't even care if you don't do their homework (not very true, but at least they don't give you shit, at least not my English teacher last year), when I actually ENJOY doing English homework (except sometimes, essays)?
And I have to get mountains of homework for the subjects I dislike the most. Unfair or what! Chinese. Malay. Add Math. Crazy lah.
And now, I'm ... procrastinating! As usual! I have convinced myself that I would still be able to finish all my homework tonight, even if I only start on them after dinner. Haha.
DAMN. Every time I think about Chinese, I want to .... arrgh. I don't know. It's a strange thing that I'm in CO, when I hate Chinese so much. Eeeee. I'll never get good results for Chinese! My vocabulary for the subject is, haha, like a three-year-old's, worse than a primary school student! No, I'm not kidding. Wanna read my essay? HAHA. You'll laugh. Honestly. :D
Fine, I won't deny that I'm actually the slightest bit worried. Chinese really isn't that important lah right. RIGHT.
You just have to get excellent results for BM, right, to ensure that your future won't crumble down like a wall or whatever? You just have to get good results for BM to be able to continue your studies (for certain fields), right?
Eeeee. Screw Chinese. As long as my current teacher don't nag me about my lousy Chinese (like SOME teachers did in the past years), then I'm fine.
Heh. I don't know how many times I have talked about this. Always the same. Paiseh!
♥ craving chocolate kisses ..
7:02 PM
7:02 PM
♥ Sunday, January 10, 2010 ♥
First Week of School
10 January 2010
Time literally CRAWLED this past week. No idea why every class felt like double periods, and all double periods felt like ... quadruple periods??
1. First thing when I reach school every day?
Hope that the first period teacher would come in late. Better yet, to not come at all. :)
2. When the first period teacher comes into the class ...
Glance at my watch to see how much time she still has until the next period.
3. Halfway through the first period ...
Already anticipating and mentally calculating the hours until recess.
4. After recess ...
Look forward to the ringing of the last school bell of the day.
5. Halfway through every class, I'd ...
- Hope there would be some interruption/commotion (like what, I do not know. Not spot checks.)
- Count the minutes until the end of the class.
- Snigger at teachers with Rumi. (like if they were wearing particularly hideous skirts that look like they had chalk marks all over them)(yes, we are sui like that)
And that, pretty much sums up my days at school. Fascinating eh.
I know I'm in Form 5 already and shouldn't be so immature, and should (attempt to) study hard and give my full attention to the teachers who are earnestly trying to make us understand the ways to slaughter a freaking chicken. Gross.
Have a huge pile of homework to do, and it's only the first week! Awesome or what?
We started our first English essay on the third day of school. WTF. I was kind of hoping that the first week of school would be about free periods, catching up with friends ... uh, getting to know the teachers. Yep. Guess I was wrong!
Damn. Why couldn't the teachers have given us some time to ... adapt to the new, unfamiliar studying environment instead of piling mountains of homework on us?!
Is it okay to put so much pressure on us ON THE FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL just because we're sitting for SPM this year? Geee.
Eh. Actually I have been using the same classroom for three years. Form 2, Form 4 and Form 5. How boring. Imagine looking at the same hills, same trees, same rooftops for three whole years.
(As if I don't always have the same view through my own bedroom window. *snorts*)
Assembly on Monday! MWAHAHAHA I'm going to miss my double BM periods. I detest BM. And Chinese. ESPECIALLY Chinese. Horrid subjects.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Please, let my Civics class be on Tuesday or Friday. PLEASE. I ... uh, won't laugh at the teachers' fashion faux pas (fine, that was exaggerated) anymore. God, I'm a horrible person. Why am I such a horrible person?
Okay, I'm going to post some photos now. Just a few. I feel that my blog is too boring without any photos. Sigh.
(OMG it's 1:27 a.m. and I have to complete all my homework!!! I know it's sort of irrelevant since it's Saturday. I mean Sunday. Arrgh shut up mushroom.)
The awesome, crazy Celine and I, on Christmas Eve. No fats. Ahem. HAHA.
I miss my hair. As in, the length of it. Not the ... urrgh, unruly, mad-long bangs.
Ee Leng & I
At Winter Warmers! :)
AHHH. Fine. Sorry. No more photos. It's too late, and the uploading is really slow. And I have to pee. AND I have to do my homework later.
I promise I'll post the rest of photos once I finish my homework. (I know you know that I never keep my promises. Because I'm a lousy person like that.)
Shit. I'm HUNGRY. Sigh. Must be because of all the drool-inducing photos of food I intended to upload. WTF.
BEST PHOTO FOR THIS PARTICULAR MOMENT :
HAHA.
Goodnight everyone! :)
Time literally CRAWLED this past week. No idea why every class felt like double periods, and all double periods felt like ... quadruple periods??
1. First thing when I reach school every day?
Hope that the first period teacher would come in late. Better yet, to not come at all. :)
2. When the first period teacher comes into the class ...
Glance at my watch to see how much time she still has until the next period.
3. Halfway through the first period ...
Already anticipating and mentally calculating the hours until recess.
4. After recess ...
Look forward to the ringing of the last school bell of the day.
5. Halfway through every class, I'd ...
- Hope there would be some interruption/commotion (like what, I do not know. Not spot checks.)
- Count the minutes until the end of the class.
- Snigger at teachers with Rumi. (like if they were wearing particularly hideous skirts that look like they had chalk marks all over them)(yes, we are sui like that)
And that, pretty much sums up my days at school. Fascinating eh.
I know I'm in Form 5 already and shouldn't be so immature, and should (attempt to) study hard and give my full attention to the teachers who are earnestly trying to make us understand the ways to slaughter a freaking chicken. Gross.
Have a huge pile of homework to do, and it's only the first week! Awesome or what?
We started our first English essay on the third day of school. WTF. I was kind of hoping that the first week of school would be about free periods, catching up with friends ... uh, getting to know the teachers. Yep. Guess I was wrong!
Damn. Why couldn't the teachers have given us some time to ... adapt to the new, unfamiliar studying environment instead of piling mountains of homework on us?!
Is it okay to put so much pressure on us ON THE FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL just because we're sitting for SPM this year? Geee.
Eh. Actually I have been using the same classroom for three years. Form 2, Form 4 and Form 5. How boring. Imagine looking at the same hills, same trees, same rooftops for three whole years.
(As if I don't always have the same view through my own bedroom window. *snorts*)
Assembly on Monday! MWAHAHAHA I'm going to miss my double BM periods. I detest BM. And Chinese. ESPECIALLY Chinese. Horrid subjects.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Please, let my Civics class be on Tuesday or Friday. PLEASE. I ... uh, won't laugh at the teachers' fashion faux pas (fine, that was exaggerated) anymore. God, I'm a horrible person. Why am I such a horrible person?
Okay, I'm going to post some photos now. Just a few. I feel that my blog is too boring without any photos. Sigh.
(OMG it's 1:27 a.m. and I have to complete all my homework!!! I know it's sort of irrelevant since it's Saturday. I mean Sunday. Arrgh shut up mushroom.)
The awesome, crazy Celine and I, on Christmas Eve. No fats. Ahem. HAHA.
I miss my hair. As in, the length of it. Not the ... urrgh, unruly, mad-long bangs.
Ee Leng & I
At Winter Warmers! :)
AHHH. Fine. Sorry. No more photos. It's too late, and the uploading is really slow. And I have to pee. AND I have to do my homework later.
I promise I'll post the rest of photos once I finish my homework. (I know you know that I never keep my promises. Because I'm a lousy person like that.)
Shit. I'm HUNGRY. Sigh. Must be because of all the drool-inducing photos of food I intended to upload. WTF.
BEST PHOTO FOR THIS PARTICULAR MOMENT :
HAHA.
Goodnight everyone! :)
♥ craving chocolate kisses ..
12:39 AM
12:39 AM
♥ Sunday, January 03, 2010 ♥
Living Up to the Name
3 January 2009
Mushroom, that is.
I just had my haircut this afternoon, and I look like a freaking mushroom now. Haha. Don't know if I should be happy or not. Probably not. NOOOOOB.
Some people told me that mushrooms are cute. Duh. Of course they are. People of good taste (aka ME) wouldn't like them otherwise. Cough.
Unfortunately, the mushroom in this case is not cute. Anything but cute. I look like a poisoned, rotten, deformed, mutated, mouldy, (insert bad adjective here) mushroom. Eew.
WHAT??! Is "not too short" that hard to understand? Okay. Maybe I shouldn't have told the person I'm studying in PCGHS. I regretted saying those words the moment they came out of my mouth. Damn. Her reaction when I told her that was : "Oh, has to be very short then!". WTF.
But she asked me. What to say if not the truth? I study in ... Singapore, where short-hair rules don't exist? Say I was expelled? But if I really was, I wouldn't be sitting in a bloody hair salon anymore. Not for haircuts anyway.
Bah now everyone can see my saggy double chin HAHAHA. Rui Mei, I miss you a lot you know. And Bibi. Bubu. Bobo. All of them. :(
Iris! Separated for the year. Sigh. And Ning Zhen too. It sucks! At least I still have Rui Mei. Been in the same class for 4 years, slacked together for 4 years, copied homework together for 4 years. If you include this year. Brilliant!
And I'm in the same class as Chiew Na! More people to copy homework from! YES! Thank God this is my final year in high school. I don't have to worry about my grades (except SPM, that is) and what class I'll get into the next year. Because there are a lot of crazy-smart people in my class. But no matter, I'll be graduating soon!! Goodbye, hell. :)
Damn. I'm hungry.
I'm not liking some THINGS at school this year. Well. Can't elaborate. I just hate it.
I miss the holidays. No chance to be with all the Form 4s anymore. Sigh. SIGH. Being in different sessions suck. I HATE not being able to spend much time with them. ARGGH. I'm looking forward to all the concerts!! That way we'll be together. Can't wait.
FUCK FUCK FUCK my stomach is rumbling. Lucky I'm such a lazy ass. I wouldn't even go down a short flight of stairs to satisfy my hunger. GAH.
Reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows for the third time! Just finished HP and the Half-Blood Prince. And I'm borrowing the sequel to Crystal Doors from Juan Wen!
And I'm going to read Lord of the Rings again. Sometime soon. It's the only time of the year when I can read and play without feeling guilty and tense. (Trying to convince myself that I would be stressed about SPM in ... around June. JUNE. Hah. Like that would ever happen.)
:D
Mushroom, that is.
I just had my haircut this afternoon, and I look like a freaking mushroom now. Haha. Don't know if I should be happy or not. Probably not. NOOOOOB.
Some people told me that mushrooms are cute. Duh. Of course they are. People of good taste (aka ME) wouldn't like them otherwise. Cough.
Unfortunately, the mushroom in this case is not cute. Anything but cute. I look like a poisoned, rotten, deformed, mutated, mouldy, (insert bad adjective here) mushroom. Eew.
WHAT??! Is "not too short" that hard to understand? Okay. Maybe I shouldn't have told the person I'm studying in PCGHS. I regretted saying those words the moment they came out of my mouth. Damn. Her reaction when I told her that was : "Oh, has to be very short then!". WTF.
But she asked me. What to say if not the truth? I study in ... Singapore, where short-hair rules don't exist? Say I was expelled? But if I really was, I wouldn't be sitting in a bloody hair salon anymore. Not for haircuts anyway.
Bah now everyone can see my saggy double chin HAHAHA. Rui Mei, I miss you a lot you know. And Bibi. Bubu. Bobo. All of them. :(
Iris! Separated for the year. Sigh. And Ning Zhen too. It sucks! At least I still have Rui Mei. Been in the same class for 4 years, slacked together for 4 years, copied homework together for 4 years. If you include this year. Brilliant!
And I'm in the same class as Chiew Na! More people to copy homework from! YES! Thank God this is my final year in high school. I don't have to worry about my grades (except SPM, that is) and what class I'll get into the next year. Because there are a lot of crazy-smart people in my class. But no matter, I'll be graduating soon!! Goodbye, hell. :)
Damn. I'm hungry.
I'm not liking some THINGS at school this year. Well. Can't elaborate. I just hate it.
I miss the holidays. No chance to be with all the Form 4s anymore. Sigh. SIGH. Being in different sessions suck. I HATE not being able to spend much time with them. ARGGH. I'm looking forward to all the concerts!! That way we'll be together. Can't wait.
FUCK FUCK FUCK my stomach is rumbling. Lucky I'm such a lazy ass. I wouldn't even go down a short flight of stairs to satisfy my hunger. GAH.
Reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows for the third time! Just finished HP and the Half-Blood Prince. And I'm borrowing the sequel to Crystal Doors from Juan Wen!
And I'm going to read Lord of the Rings again. Sometime soon. It's the only time of the year when I can read and play without feeling guilty and tense. (Trying to convince myself that I would be stressed about SPM in ... around June. JUNE. Hah. Like that would ever happen.)
:D
♥ craving chocolate kisses ..
12:05 AM
12:05 AM
♥ Friday, January 01, 2010 ♥
Happy New Year!!
1 January 2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!
It feels so weird to be typing 2010 instead of 2009.
A year (almost) nearer to graduation, a year (almost) nearer to bloody SPM, a year nearer to the apocalypse in 2012, a year nearer to death!
No new year's resolutions for this year. Because I know I probably won't remember them after a few weeks. And I know I'd never achieve them. Haha. No point.
And they're always the same anyway. "Lose weight" and "exercise more" were last year's resolutions (and the year before), I think. Am I thinner now? No. How stupid. HAHA.
2010 is going to be a seriously weird year.
On a totally irrelevant note, my dad told me that this year's SPM will be from 22 November until 16 December. Awesome.
AND. Disgusting it may be, but my sister and I didn't bathe for the last day of 2009. HAHA. And I'll be having the first bath of the year, of the decade, in a few minutes! So cool. Us and the bacteria are having a great start of the year! Yay! :D
Best of 2009 : Things to Remember
Witnessed a magnificent array of fireworks during the Chinese New Year celebration at my cousin's house.
The only downside about the CNY celebration last year (as in 2009), was the absence of my favourite CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN. Damn.
Okay, I guess the above is not exactly considered as one of the "best-of-2009s". But it certainly was something to remember. Haha.
Fell down at school and scraped off my own skin on Valentine's Day. Most memorable Valentine's Day I have had so far. HAHA. So pathetic.
First time I drew and painted on banners. As a very loyal, helpful friend.
AND THAT REMINDS ME. Iris still freaking owes me a cup of Coffee Bean coffee. Screw that. Make it 5 cups. Damn.
First time I went to trample on and fool around in the mud along with the hermit crabs and red-clawed crabs.
It was gross, but fun. The sensation of your feet sinking lower and deeper into the sticky mud, the feeling of treading on sharpish stuff (probably crabs), the results of struggling hard when you are already halfway in the mud (sink deeper, obviously) ...
Guess I now know the dangers of quicksands, marshes and whatnot.
Experienced what a car crash would feel like during a camp. LOL.
The honest answer? A roller coaster ride.
But that was just a demonstration. Can't really imagine the real thing happening. Ugh.
Had a taste of the heavenly Godiva truffles. Yum.
Bought a tortoise pencil case - aptly named Meetoto, because its character is as dumb as the sound of its name - from Popular. Rui Mei also had a similar tortoise pencil case called Jun Gui, which she lost a few months ago. Sigh.
Well. We (being Iris, Rui Mei and I) managed to make the cute, innocent, and most importantly, CLEAN, tortoise as shown in the photo above look like ...
THIS.
LOL. With make up (coloured chalk) on its face, a Paris Hilton-inspired (NOT) headband, some Viking horns or wings or whatever those were, and a Superman cloak. HAHAHA.
Stood on a "bridge" which was an IMPRESSIVE 26050 millimeters off the ground.
Need a calculator to figure out the number in meters? Haha. xD
Stole peacock feathers from the Bird Park. =_=
Spent a crazy (to me) amount of money on ... well, see for yourself. GASP. And that was only in June. In 3 days. Around.
Yes, it was probably your fault, Ee Leng. Hahaha.
Performed with the pros from Singapore and other places on the 21st of June. Awesome day.
Went rockclimbing and ... shooting arrows? at Genting. So exhilarating. It was a few days before the second monthly test. Mwahaha.
Rockclimbing was scary. Kind of. Made my legs and arms tremble. Wobbly.
And shooting arrows was awesome! HAHA. Now Legolas is going to fall in love with me because I also know how to shoot arrows. Yay. Ahem.
School concert. It was horrible, to be honest.
Bought my first pair of coloured contact lens. :)
Went to a ballet concert (I think it was my first) in which Ning Zhen and her sister performed. Pretty!
Performance on the 23rd of August. Another brilliant day.
The performance was super lousy, actually. But we all had fun. :)
Got myself a pretty fiance (touched, Wen Yuan? :P), only to watch her cheating on me, right in front of my eyes. Bah. HAHA. AND she left me on the altar, alone. WTF.
Ahem.
Had my first 商业演出 on the 27th of November, and the second on the 5th of December.
Two of the happiest days of the year. And the MONEY. *grins*
Played cello for the first time, for the CO Farewell.
I LOVE CELLOS!! ♥
Witnessed people eating scorpions. Of all things. It was puke-inducing. UGGH.
They said the scorpions merely tasted like those ... what do you call them? Mini, dried prawns?
Saw the most intriguing instrument at Han Chiang High School this past Monday.
革胡!! The traditional Chinese cello. Something something. SO COOL! Why don't we have things like that in our school huh. :(
Okay. I guess that's it. I think there are more, but right now, I can only think about my first bath of the year.
So, goodnight, everyone. HAVE A GREAT YEAR!
XOXO
HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!
It feels so weird to be typing 2010 instead of 2009.
A year (almost) nearer to graduation, a year (almost) nearer to bloody SPM, a year nearer to the apocalypse in 2012, a year nearer to death!
No new year's resolutions for this year. Because I know I probably won't remember them after a few weeks. And I know I'd never achieve them. Haha. No point.
And they're always the same anyway. "Lose weight" and "exercise more" were last year's resolutions (and the year before), I think. Am I thinner now? No. How stupid. HAHA.
2010 is going to be a seriously weird year.
On a totally irrelevant note, my dad told me that this year's SPM will be from 22 November until 16 December. Awesome.
AND. Disgusting it may be, but my sister and I didn't bathe for the last day of 2009. HAHA. And I'll be having the first bath of the year, of the decade, in a few minutes! So cool. Us and the bacteria are having a great start of the year! Yay! :D
Best of 2009 : Things to Remember
Witnessed a magnificent array of fireworks during the Chinese New Year celebration at my cousin's house.
The only downside about the CNY celebration last year (as in 2009), was the absence of my favourite CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN. Damn.
Okay, I guess the above is not exactly considered as one of the "best-of-2009s". But it certainly was something to remember. Haha.
Fell down at school and scraped off my own skin on Valentine's Day. Most memorable Valentine's Day I have had so far. HAHA. So pathetic.
First time I drew and painted on banners. As a very loyal, helpful friend.
AND THAT REMINDS ME. Iris still freaking owes me a cup of Coffee Bean coffee. Screw that. Make it 5 cups. Damn.
First time I went to trample on and fool around in the mud along with the hermit crabs and red-clawed crabs.
It was gross, but fun. The sensation of your feet sinking lower and deeper into the sticky mud, the feeling of treading on sharpish stuff (probably crabs), the results of struggling hard when you are already halfway in the mud (sink deeper, obviously) ...
Guess I now know the dangers of quicksands, marshes and whatnot.
Experienced what a car crash would feel like during a camp. LOL.
The honest answer? A roller coaster ride.
But that was just a demonstration. Can't really imagine the real thing happening. Ugh.
Had a taste of the heavenly Godiva truffles. Yum.
Bought a tortoise pencil case - aptly named Meetoto, because its character is as dumb as the sound of its name - from Popular. Rui Mei also had a similar tortoise pencil case called Jun Gui, which she lost a few months ago. Sigh.
Well. We (being Iris, Rui Mei and I) managed to make the cute, innocent, and most importantly, CLEAN, tortoise as shown in the photo above look like ...
THIS.
LOL. With make up (coloured chalk) on its face, a Paris Hilton-inspired (NOT) headband, some Viking horns or wings or whatever those were, and a Superman cloak. HAHAHA.
Stood on a "bridge" which was an IMPRESSIVE 26050 millimeters off the ground.
Need a calculator to figure out the number in meters? Haha. xD
Stole peacock feathers from the Bird Park. =_=
Spent a crazy (to me) amount of money on ... well, see for yourself. GASP. And that was only in June. In 3 days. Around.
Yes, it was probably your fault, Ee Leng. Hahaha.
Performed with the pros from Singapore and other places on the 21st of June. Awesome day.
Went rockclimbing and ... shooting arrows? at Genting. So exhilarating. It was a few days before the second monthly test. Mwahaha.
Rockclimbing was scary. Kind of. Made my legs and arms tremble. Wobbly.
And shooting arrows was awesome! HAHA. Now Legolas is going to fall in love with me because I also know how to shoot arrows. Yay. Ahem.
School concert. It was horrible, to be honest.
Bought my first pair of coloured contact lens. :)
Went to a ballet concert (I think it was my first) in which Ning Zhen and her sister performed. Pretty!
Performance on the 23rd of August. Another brilliant day.
The performance was super lousy, actually. But we all had fun. :)
Got myself a pretty fiance (touched, Wen Yuan? :P), only to watch her cheating on me, right in front of my eyes. Bah. HAHA. AND she left me on the altar, alone. WTF.
Ahem.
Had my first 商业演出 on the 27th of November, and the second on the 5th of December.
Two of the happiest days of the year. And the MONEY. *grins*
Played cello for the first time, for the CO Farewell.
I LOVE CELLOS!! ♥
Witnessed people eating scorpions. Of all things. It was puke-inducing. UGGH.
They said the scorpions merely tasted like those ... what do you call them? Mini, dried prawns?
Saw the most intriguing instrument at Han Chiang High School this past Monday.
革胡!! The traditional Chinese cello. Something something. SO COOL! Why don't we have things like that in our school huh. :(
Okay. I guess that's it. I think there are more, but right now, I can only think about my first bath of the year.
So, goodnight, everyone. HAVE A GREAT YEAR!
XOXO
♥ craving chocolate kisses ..
12:00 AM
12:00 AM