30 January 2010

(My blog is becoming deadly boring, damn. I also hate my blog like this, but guess this is the only thing I can post, for now. I'll try to dig up some photos!)

WHO exactly was the one who started all this? Not me.

WHO exactly was the one who kept running away and didn't give people a chance to say hi? Not me.

Yet in the end who was always the one, me or you, that started some lame conversation? ME. Be it about your hair or something else.

Why in the world would you think she's better than you in every way?

I love all my friends, just in different ways. I deem you more of the grown-up kind, a person I can go out shopping with, share books, songs and stuff with, let you come to my house at the crack of dawn, something I rarely let people do.

I don't get why you just jumped to the conclusion that she is better. You two are equally important in my heart, just in different ways. She's someone I can be crazy with, play with. You are someone I can share things with.

(I am a naturally CRAZY person. You should know this. I like being crazy, I like to fool around. Hardly something I'd do with ... say, my sister. Figure it out yourself.)

I seldom take photos with my brothers and sisters, and NEVER with my parents, and it doesn't mean that they all are not important to me.

I don't say hello to many of my friends, yet it doesn't mean I don't like them.

I'm sorry, you're jumping to all the wrong conclusions.

You, in a state like that, HOW was I supposed to go talk to you? HOW?! Think about it. When you see me in a dull/miserable/furious mood, would you talk to me?

And I DID notice you during the farewell. I just didn't ask you anything. Why? Because (I am truly sorry to say this) you are often like that. Before the farewell, on the orientation day. I don't know why, maybe you saw something you dislike, and became all down. What could I do? Also DISS that something with you?

You might not believe it, but I WANTED to talk to you (and I TOLD a lot of people so). About many things. But you kept running away, and I thought it would be stupid to call after you. What if I called you and you only looked at me with that moody expression and gave some half-hearted, lame replies? I don't want that.

You know how I feel now? PATHETIC. Pathetic that we have to TALK this way and not in real life.

You think I'm butting my head in on purpose? Initially I was just the person in between, a person who was trying to make peace between you. I was so dumb. Yeah, maybe I should have just ignored everything.

You have no idea how much I want things to go back to the way they were.

I don't understand. I'm just a FRIEND, and I don't get your need to be at the top of my list. Like I said. You all have the same "status" in my list. And mind you, it will change.

Fine. If I offended you, hurt you in any way which I am not aware of, then SORRY. I didn't - still don't - know what I was supposed to have done.

And I have said it before. Please, don't deny that you were the one who started this. But I hope you'll be the one who ENDS this, be the one who MENDS this. (I'm a future poet, remember? =.=)

You can't bloody well ask me to always be so tolerant. Sorry, I'm not born like that. I TOLERATED your balloon-bursting and water-splashing many times. How many times do I have to tell you, I DO NOT LIKE IT?

Example. You hate someone and I force you to sit and talk with the person for the whole day. Would YOU like it?

If I tell you to stop, then STOP. I know it's fun, and I enjoy it sometimes. But not too much, okay? Don't go overboard.

I know you'd read this. And I hope the next time we would be speaking in person, not on BLOGS. You can say whatever you want to say TO MY FACE. I'm leaving it to you.

And yes, I'm going to ask you to practise again. I didn't choose her because she is my friend. I choose her because she's GOOD. Harsh, I know, but it's true. And I have told you ten thousand (or more) times, you could be good, you are just too hard on yourself. YOU ARE NOT THE WORST, all right? I don't know why you keep thinking that you are.

And just so you know, all the DECISIONS weren't all MY decisions. Arrgh. You might say I'm defending myself.

You're right, I don't understand you. And I don't think I want to understand the you NOW. I want to know the previous you. Not the current you. Sorry if it hurts.

And I'm saying this now. Sorry, to all those people who were dragged into this thing. Sorry, if I said anything offensive above or in my previous posts.

I don't know why I'm doing all the apologising. But WHATEVER (I hate this word).

And whoever are having friendship issues now (=.=), I guess the best thing to do is to stay out of it. Wait until the storm passes. If it doesn't pass, then ... die lor.

Oh. And hey, please DO NOT HATE SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE OF ME. I'm the one you're supposed to hate, not that someone else.

You either hate her purely because of me, or because there are things about her that you detest. If it's the latter, then DO NOT PUT ALL THE BLAME ON ME. If it's the first, then HATE ME, not her.

(Even though I GUESS it's not possible)

Guilt. Any idea how I'm feeling? The person who CAUSED all this. What the fuck. This is madness. And no, I'm not supposed to be feeling guilty. Because I (again, same case) didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, try to tell me what. I didn't do those THINGS on purpose. You just don't like it, and you started hating.

Fine, I'm not gonna see it from my perspective. Like you asked me to do. There could be more (there probably are) to this than meets the eye.

But nobody knows what.

And I totally forgot to say. I'm not not talking to you because of her, because I love her, because I support her, or anything of the sort. I'm not talking to you because of you.