31 July 2009

I am doomed. For real.

Yeah, yeah, I know you are tired of hearing that. But it's different this time. Seriously.

BECAUSE I AM LEAVING FOR GENTING AT THE CRACK OF DAWN TOMORROW.

And I have a mountain of books to flip through. Emphasis on the word FLIP THROUGH. I don't even get to read them properly! Not that I want to. I know this is just a meaningless, dumb test. But still. I don't want to get too lousy results. You know. Parents' reactions and all that.

Maybe I'll come back sick from Genting. Catch a cold and miss the first day (or all of them) of the exam. But then all my meticulous efforts for studying History will be futile! Because I probably will forget everything I forcefully squeezed into my brain, and I will have to study the whole thing AGAIN for the finals. Boo.

Now, I'm not worried about History or even Chemistry or even BIOLOGY - which has around ten thousand nutrients, their functions and deficiency diseases to memorise.

I am more worried about Physics. Oh, God. PHYSICS. I am so dead. I am having a truly agonizing time trying to understand everything. Archimedes! WHAT IS THAT ABOUT? Pressure. Hydraulic system. Manometers. Even Force. And basically, everything else. To me, Physics is useless. I don't even know why I made the decision to torture myself with this subject. It had to be one of my biggest errors in life so far. Wrong choice.

I have a good mind to give up on the Physics test this time. I got 54 marks for my Physics last time. I was lucky to even PASS the paper. I read the notes over and over, tried my best to understand everything, while at the same time running through all the rude words I know in my mind. I TRIED.

This time. I tried too, but to no avail. Screw Bernoulli's Principle or whatever. I can't even get pass Archimedes. I got past Force and Pressure ambiguously. Arrrgh. Nooo I'm probably going to fail my Physics this time. AND ADD MATHS. Damn. Logarithms. Differentiation. Another stupid thing I am forced to learn.

I'm running out of time. I know I shouldn't be updating my blog if I have insufficient time. But I'm feeling too dejected to continue studying Physics (or anything) anymore. I don't even know if I can enjoy myself while I am at Genting. I probably can. Because this is just a test. I just have to be more determined in convincing myself that this test is not important, that it doesn't matter if I flunk every subject this time.

Ugghh. I didn't start revising early enough. Typical. I study for exams. Not to learn new things. I just do what I have to do, what I am forced to do. When can this life end?

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I have a lot to think about. It is such a horrible ordeal to go through. For me. You have no idea. I did try, but I guess I couldn't stand the thought that things might go wrong, and it would end right there and then.

I honestly feel like finally understanding, but then, it only brings me pain. I should just pretend to be oblivious to everything. Then things won't be so peculiar.

Monday. An awkward combination of Dread and Anticipation. How is it that things are suddenly so complicated?

Going to Genting might be the best way to take my mind off things, to relax, to mull things over. IF ONLY THE EXAM IS NOT ON THE NEXT DAY. Sigh. I don't want to lug my heavy books to Genting. But I have to, although I seriously doubt that I will have the time or energy (or the MOOD) to study. But at least my conscience won't be so guilty and strickened.

I hope nothing happens tomorrow. Please, God.

Happy Birthday to Jane's Mum!!

And Happy Belated Birthday to our BELOVED Lai Sheng!!! :)