18 May 2009

Deleted everything I posted this morning.

So! The first day of exams!

I feel so dejected. I don't even feel remotely like studying anymore.

The Chemistry paper was tough. Like, seriously, horribly tough. I couldn't finish it in time, so I just shaded a few answers at random. Lalala.

And I wrote lousy English essays too! I want to kill myself. I couldn't concentrate, even though I didn't feel sleepy at all. My head just felt heavy, and my brain refused to work.

AND I ran out of time too. I finished writing the essays at around 2 minutes before the end of the exam. I spent too long a time writing the first essay - a mistake I was warned against by many people - and I ended up writing a super-lousy essay for the second section because I was short of time.

Oh, I want to kill myself all right. But no need to cry over spilled milk, yadda yadda, I should study hard (harder) for Malay and Moral tomorrow.

Haha. Malay. I'd most probably fail the subject. I am so dreading the two hours tomorrow. There are so many things to study and memorise, and I haven't touched a single thing. I memorised Moral (which normal person MEMORISES moral values huh? Right. The students here do.), but haven't studied the extra, important notes.

Problem is, I MUST go to sleep early (earlier) today or else I won't be able to sit through the exams tomorrow.

And the other problem is, how can I not stay up late? I HAVE TO STUDY BIOLOGY TOO. Haven't touched a thing either. HAHA. And I have just a little bit of Physics left. But the little bit is pretty hard.

So I'm sort of surprised at myself for having no reaction and a feeling of unusual calmness, when I know that I will be meeting Death soon. (ok, maybe one of death's daughters/sons, the one specifically in charge of people who die in exams)

I don't know why. I don't think I care anymore. It's far too late to cry anyway. Tears/anger/resentment doesn't make things any better.

OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?!