16 October 2008

PMR is almost over!

We had Chinese and KH today. And Chinese sucked.

Okie I'm not gonna dwell over the stupid Chinese paper and the fucking Chinese essay I wrote this morning. GRARRR!!!

Why oh why am I born a Chinese? *sigh*

Last paper tomorrow (Geography). I don't want to care anymore. So that's why I'm updating my blog and not studying.

But my mom forbade me to hang out with my friends. Even after the exams. She said a few girls going out is too dangerous ... I say poo to that. It really IS dangerous but if it is that bad there won't be any girls left in this world anymore.

I'm exactly like a bird inside a cage. Trapped inside forever. Why?? Almost all my classmates get to go out. Yi Han even gets to sleep over at friends' houses. WHAT'S UP WITH MY MOM!??!? Why can't I go out as well? Can't she see? I can't stay home forever, can I? I'll have to learn to stand on my toes, haven't I? People will already know about all those stuff in "the real world" now, and I'll only have learned it a few years later.

When people get to let go, scream, enjoy and have fun after the exams, and what will I do?

Maybe I'm going to Gurney tomorrow night, but only maybe, and it's with my family. It's a big difference, going out with your friends and your family. Put me and my mom together to a shopping trip to .... New York even, I'll refuse. Or maybe I won't refuse. I will go to New York but I won't go anywhere with her. I'll walk around myself.

But oh, I forgot, she doesn't allow me to walk alone, or even around 5 people, does she? Did I mention when my sister wanted to go to her class reunion, and there's 20+ people, and it's not only girls, and my mom forbade her to go?? "The number of people is not an issue..." Oh, so someone's gonna kidnap 20+ people all in one go? Gee, unless that person is using a net, I don't see how he/she can do that.

Oh yeah, the toilets! *slaps forehead* How can I forget?!

I don't know why I'm feeling so crabby and gloomy when the exams are going to end tomorrow. OK, fine, I know exactly why. I want to get out of this hell of a prison. I want to go somewhere which is not the school and not our house. I haven't gone out of this house in God knows how long. A month?

Sigh. I'm supposed to feel very happy! I'm supposed to have a lot of fun! But I SUPPOSE none of that is going to happen. Fine. I really don't get it. But still, fine.

If nobody can fetch me home tomorrow after the exams, I'll have to stay in school. What can I do? I can't very well study when the exams are over, right? I mean, I can, but I shan't. I don't want to. Who would?

And I can't do homework, because there aren't any. Not that I will do it even if there are. Exams are over, for fuck's sake.

There won't be anyone to accompany me to even TALK anymore, because everyone will be going home or flying off to the fun world I have never REALLY stepped into before. The fun world I stepped into before always has this tiny nagging, worrying voice in the back of my head. I can't completely .... have fun. At least, not now. Not these years. Of course I entered that world when I was young, plenty of times. Completely carefree, completely naive, completely stupid, I had nothing to worry about.

If someone can fetch me home tomorrow, I can only do three things : online (*yawn*), bury my head under the duvet (*snore*) or have a movie marathon. I guess it's option 3 for me. But I don't want to watch it on TV! I don't want my crazy maid to sit there and stare, and suddenly giggle or something. I want to watch it in my mom's laptop. She'll be at school at that time. My sister will never lend me her laptop in a million years. And I don't have a laptop. This, THIS computer I'm using suck so much I doubt that I can even watch a DVD here.

So, WHAT CAN I DO? Sigh. People ask : "WHAT SHOULD I DO FIRST?" and I ask what I can do.

Play piano? BORING. I can't very well play it for 5 hours until my mom comes home right?
Clean my room? BORING.
Bake? Nice but unfortunately I don't know how to.
Read books? But I don't have any books to read! I finished Twilight twice already (I wouldn't mind reading it again) but I'd prefer to read something new.

I can't do anything at school, I can't do anything at home. Ooh, there's the library but honestly I'll puke if I see so many books. Like the piles of books and notes scattered on my bedroom floor right now isn't enough.

I WANNA GO OUT!!! *sigh*

Okay, I just asked my father if he can fetch me home, and the answer is ......


YES!!!


As if.

He has some sort of meeting. FUCK. What am I supposed to do in school? I never was a person who can sleep easily just slumping on the table. Besides, you'll drool when you sleep on the table. And you'll have to kiss the table. Uncomfortable position and all that. And you'll wake up with hand, leg, muscle cramps or whatever. I'd rather stay awake and do something else. (Like what? Wash the school toilet and count blackbirds?)

Shit, tell me, what should I do? I won't mind so much if someone can accompany me. I doubt anyone will stay in school after the exams. And I doubt my afternoon session friends will be at school so early.

Damn I wish tomorrow never comes.

Oh, Rui Mei brought an Big Apple Donut to school for me today! Thanks a lot! Chocolate donut, my favorite! =)