16 June 2008

LONG POST.
(About school, without pictures. And you get the picture about this post.)

I STILL WANT TO SCREAM AND LOSE CONTROL.

Not that I'm not screaming and losing control already.

Fuck, fuck, FUCKING Science Fair.

I actually thought it was a good thing that it was postponed. Wrong. At first, it was before the exams, which was a plain disaster. Then, it was postponed until after the exams, which is STILL a plain disaster.

I'm drowning in projects.

And, worse still, there are all these School Concert preparations. Which means I won't be in class on some certain days. Which made me missed a lot of lessons. Crucial lessons. Maths. My weak subject. I only got 51% for my Maths, for God's sake. Fucking Index Notations. Missed Geography too. All those important stuff about the ultra important PMR project.

And just my kind of luck, I did not miss any of the lessons I wanted to miss. CHINESE. There can't be anything else I hate more than Chinese. (OK. Maybe there are.) Why do I hate Chinese so much?? Because they are fucking complicated. Even though I speak Chinese, I still hate them. All those ... tiny words with so many "pencil strokes" or whatever you call them. It all makes me dizzy.

And PART of the reason (Okay. More than PART of the reason) that I hate Chinese so much is because of our beloved teacher, the China Princess. The best teacher I have ever had. It just hurts so much to have such a nice teacher like her when I hate Chinese so much. It just hurts, to see that she's so patient with us, so kind, so perfectly nice to us, and we were not really nice to her. It just HURTS ME TO EVEN LOOK AT HER. I feel guilty. Guilty. GUILTY.

Indeed.

***********

Fucking Science Fair is making my head ache. Fucking Science Fair is making me .... lose my sanity?? Fucking Science Fair is making me throw tantrums all over the place.

And I'm sorry.

Really, I was so desperate, so tired, so wanting not to give a damn about all those crappy Science shit. Plus, like I said, I had to go out of class for almost the whole day, which prevented me from even discussing our projects, what to do, when to do, et cetera.

I was in a hurry, because our performance is almost starting, and ... well. I'm not glad to say, I lost my temper. =( It was sort of unfair of me .... No, it WAS unfair of me ... Sorry, Rui Mei, Yann Ying & Hui Jing .... Sorry that I scolded you all (in front of you and behind your backs) ... Of course I can't force you to stay back if you don't have transport, right?? Phoooo.

But still. There is JUST one thing I can't stand. And I mean, really, really can't stand. Can't, can't you all just miss your tuition classes once?? Just once?? You might care about your results a lot, but we can't just, much as we love to, ditch our projects, right??

*sigh*

But honestly, I feel guilty because ... I didn't do anything. Hui Jing did the experiment. I sort of helped her out, but only for the first time, and it was unsuccessful. Because I moved houses, I don't have a phone, I can't online, and nobody can contact me, I can't contact them, so Hui Jing did everything, trying and trying again, until the filtered water becomes cleaner.

Rui Mei and Yann Ying did the documentation, and me?? Nada. Nil. Nix. Nothing. So I had to do the boards, just that ... I can't handle things alone ... like, I need someone's opinion, need someone to talk to, need to joke around with someone (VERY IMPORTANT, or else I will die), need someone's help. Or else I won't be able to do anything.

Anyway .....

I'm going to be so fucking busy this whole week. Have to stay back every single day, except maybe Friday, for the stupid Science Fair. I want to scream at the teachers. HELLO?? This thing is COMPULSORY for the Form 4s and Form 5s. NOT Form 3s. Why do we need to do it?? Don't you even realize that we are already so fucking busy we don't even have time to shit anymore?? (Besides blogging, that is)

Fuck.

************

And a list of thank yous for some people.

Yann Ying, thanks for staying back today. Hope you're not late for your tuition, and hope your eyes get swollen ... =P Thanks for teaching me how to use a single chopstick to eat .... And sorry you spent thousands of years looking for me ...

Yi Han, for doing her project with us, helping me cut out things, eating with a single chopstick with me, and joking and laughing around (whew, thank God.) Oh. And lending me money. Damn. I owe a lot of people money. =_=

Ning Zhen, thanks for offering to help us with our Science tomorrow although you are not a member of our group .... =)

Jun Fang, thanks for calming me down, thanks for helping me sort things out, helping me think sensibly when I was, God forbid, about to cry, with my voice trembling and all. *wrinkles nose* Don't ask me why. I don't know. I told you I lost my mind. I was actually screaming (well, more like, shouting) in the room. I vaguely remember myself shouting "TUITION, TUITION, TUITION!!!!!" Which caused a severe (okay, maybe not that bad) headache afterwards. How unlike me. Guess I need to release the stress.

E Wern, for walking out with Jun Fang and I to call Hui Jing with the public phone (arrgh, yucks, eew, AHHH. To be frank I don't know how to use a public phone...) So thanks for Jun Fang and E Wern's help.

Shi Yin?? Don't know how to spell her name. She made me laugh. Laugh, laugh, laugh. For no reason at all. Even when we were staring into blank space. =_= At least I didn't feel too ... alone. Laughing makes me feel all silly and stupid and happy. Thanks for making me laugh ... =DD

Errr. Chiew Na?? Chiu Na?? Don't really know how to spell her name either, and Hsieh Ying,
millions of thanks to the both of them. Can't even start lah. I just feel more ... more ... I don't know ...... *sniffs*

* So starts the boring rambles .... *

Better skip this part. This is more of a releasing-my-anger-paragraph.

|| I already gave up hoping that Xuan and Wei (should add a FUCKING word in front) will ever appear. Once, a long time ago, when they said they wanted to quit CO, I was soooo miserable. Now, hah. Let them go. It will save me a lot of things if they quit. I don't need to waste my saliva and time to persuade them not to quit. I don't need to even worry about whether they will appear or not, whether I will be alone for the day, or what. It's not like it's the first time I was ... hmm, what's the word?? Let down?? by the both of them. Only thing that I hate is that I have to sit alone. Fuck it.

I can't believe it. Our ... uhh, teacher?? Conducter? Nothing feels right, let's just say that he's L. X and W, they did not attend, not even once, the practices during the holidays. And some of the "other people" did. At least, they appeared, more than 2 or 3 days. And you know what?? L gave the chance of performing to X and W, and not those "other people" who at least bothered to come to the practices. And you'd think X and W will be honoured to have a chance (quite a special chance, in this case) from L, and they decided to ... well of course they decided not to go. So like them. Pooof. They don't deserve it. FOUR WORDS, FIVE : THEY DON'T FUCKING DESERVE IT. I feel so furious, some of my other friends, they didn't even get chosen when they practiced for it. X and W, they did nothing and they got chosen?? Yeah, maybe X and W are better, but what about those who actually worked for it??

Feek. This world is unfair.

This will probably get to them, but I don't care. And during the last Saturday, they told me : "Isn't the performance extremely close to the exams?" Ah. The word. Like the teacher said, if you care so much about your exams, just QUIT. Arrgh. It makes me sick. It is not even the PMR for goodness' sake. The performance ends on 5th July, and most probably all the Form 3s and Form 5s won't need to attend anymore. Until the PMR is over. Isn't two, almost three months without CO a holiday enough to you?? You have ample time to study, okay. Ample. Time. *scornful glance*

Oh God, I feel like I'm going to burst or something. I find it tiring to talk to them. Infuriating. Want to smash their heads with a glass bottle. On the other hand, I can't not talk to them, because I'm just not a person that can NOT talk. Unless there's no one, of course.

Eeeeeek. ||

Okay. I finished my babbles.

Anyway, thanks a lot, to all those people, especially Jun Fang~

*****************

And there is just one, ONE happy thing that happened today. Maybe not exactly ... happy, since nothing even happened, but it cheered me up immensely. =D

And I almost bumped straight into the same person for two times a day. Both times were at the stairs. Different stairs, though. *pulls a face* God. I wouldn't mind almost bumping into two different persons, but the same person?? Damn. That's got to be some kind of luck I am having.