15 November 2007


Sometimes, it's just so unfair.

Going to Singapore in 5 days, and my flip-flops broke some time ago, and I need to get new ones so I can wear it to Singapore, and I told my father that in this 5 days I must get new ones. Okay, so what?? Buy flip-flops, no biggie.

Later, he asked me : "Do you want to go tomorrow night??" Then I hesitated, because I was scared I'll be dead tired and bored after school, and I don't want to tell him straight that : "No, I don't want to go", because I was scared he'd scold me for thinking that . . . um, who do I think I am, am I like, so important, must they wait till I feel like going, then we'll go, because that's exactly what my mum scolded me for earlier. She said that last time they were going to Queensbay, and why didn't I follow them?? Truth is, I don't really know they're going to Queensbay until they were like, already in the car, leaving. They were going out for dinner then to look at furnitures. That's all I know. Am I supposed to just know they can spare me time to buy shoes??! And she said that last time when she asked if I want to buy new shoes, I said no. So, I'm trying NOT to say that I don't want to go again, just in case, but instead, I got scolded again.


My father said that, if I don't want to go, I should have said so, like, I don't want to go, let's go on Saturday, whatever. Blah, blah. Grumble, complain, ramble, blah, blah, blahhh. *scowls* Trying to put on a . . . nice face instead of looking sulky (even just a tiny bit), because he always scolded me for my sulky face and tone. How am I supposed to look HAPPY and non-sulky when I'm scolded?? It's not easy.

*sigh*

It's so unfair. I wish my parents would just let me go out and get my own shoes and stuff I need (if they like to grumble so much, why don't they just let me do it myself, instead of scolding and waiting for me), instead of keeping me in a cage, can't go out (fuck), no handphone (double fuck), and scoldings. Of course, it isn't that bad, the scoldings I mean. But, often I heard Tict Chyn talk about her family, her parents. They seem so happy-like, sort of the joking-kind, but not like super easy-going either. Her mom even played "chase" with her when they went jogging together. Teased her about stuff, kind of thing. Hah. Can't imagine my mum ever TALKING, let alone teasing me about stuff like that. From what I heard, her mom's really funny, always make jokes, and even when Tict Chyn spoke to her in a way that I would never, ever do to my parents, all her mom did was say something equally the same back to Tict Chyn. Sometimes I wish my parents were like that. =(

Like just now, I was sort of mimicking Jane's dance during the Dancing Competition last Friday, and at that time, the song "Umbrella" by Rihanna was playing on the radio, and she said to me, stop dancing to the Umbrella song!! Something like that. Then I told her, I was mimicking Jane, not dancing to the Umbrella song, " 废 的", which means like, "crap" thing to say (I don't really know how to say it, crap sounds a bit weird) and she started to sort-of snap. Sort of. I couldn't help thinking at the time, if it was someone like TC's mother, she'd probably do something crazy, like, laugh, or, mimic me. I mean, yeah, maybe those two words were a bit rude, but, it's just two words, isn't it? And it's not like I scolded her fuck or anything. (I don't think I'll be staying in the house any longer if I did) Does it really matter that much?? And it wasn't like I snapped her head off with those two words.

=(

Wishes and dreams.

*

Last day tomorrow.

Actually my last day is already over, kind of.

=(

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